There are movies that I have wanted to see for years. Some I have resisted the urge for whatever reason. The Funhouse is one of these movies. I do not know why I never made the leap to actually watch it. I never owned it. But I remember going to our local Media Play nine or ten years ago and always checking out the dvd's. The Funhouse was always in the horror section and it was always under $10. It had a cool cover. The back of the box made it sound interesting. And it was directed by Tobe Hooper, the same guy who directed Texas Chainsaw Massacre. But I never got it. There was always something I wanted a little more. And I never recall any of my local blockbusters ever having the movie in stock, then again I do not recall ever looking for it either.
Let's start with what first attracted me to this movie. The dvd coverart.
Creepy looking I think. Just the evil little clown alone is creepy. And one could think looking at it that it is a movie about a killer clown in a carnival type setting. Well you would be wrong and here is why.
The movie starts out with a creepy scenairo of looking at the world through a would be killer/stalker's eyes. He is in a room going through things and touching them with his black glove. A quick shadow appears over the frame and you realize the killer has just put on a mask. He moves slowly. Then it cuts to a teenage girl named Amy in a robe seemingly about to take a shower. Back to the killer now in someone else's room. Back to the girl. Off goes the robe. Becoming one of the memorable gratuitous tit shots the horror movies are famous for (This gives me an idea for a future blog, be on the look out).
Thank you Oscar the censor cat. I tried to explain to my girlfriend exactly why we the audience needed to see this disrobing but she wasn't buying it. Whatever. Some say gratuitious, I say completely plot essential. Well anyway, the frame goes back the killer's point of view and you see them getting closer to the shower. Then you see the girl soaping up her body and a dark shadow emerging over her shoulder getting closer. Then of course the shower curtain pulls open and the killer is really short and wearing a clown mask and it looks nothing at all like the clown on the cover. The girl is screaming and trying to push the killer away, he moves the knife slowly down her body close to her stomach going even lower while the knife begins to bend revealing a not so well thought out prank. The killer's mask is removed and you realize this is the girls pervy little brother Joey, who just got more then a peek at his sisters boobs. Of course she chases him and is led to another prank infested room where she attacks him under his sheets only to reveal it is a dummy. And she finally finds him the closet, and right away tells him she is not taking him to the carnival that she has promised to take him too. And then threatens to get even with him and that he will not know when or where but she will scare him so bad that he will never forget it. Then he runs away realizing she means business. Then we there is the usual girl going out and the parents warning her not do something, and her promising not to scene. Well her boyfriend arrives (he honks his horn of all things, what a douche) and she leaves. Well as Amy and her boyfriend Buzz (awesome) drive away we get a long sinister shot of Joey that you cannot tell if he wants to hurt his sister or is terrified of her threats.
You would think judging by the length of my first paragraph and trying to detail the important parts of the opening scens that Joey would feature heavily in this movie and especially the feeling you get seeing the attention they put on Joey is this shot. But no. Joey is has very little screen time the rest of the movie. The movie then picks up with Buzz and Amy in the car with their couple friends Richie and Liz. They spend the next half hour walking around the carnival and going on the rides. We get to see them waiting in line. Enjoying the rides. Eating. You know stuff that is very plot heavy. At one point they go to a ghoulish magician who while drinking from a flask asks for volunteers and you think that maybe this is the point where it gets creepy. Yes he stabs a member of the audience who came up to help the trick, but it was his daughter and he did not really stab her, it was all an act. Why this scene is important to the plot I don't know. Well then we get a few quick scenes of Joey sneaking out and and making his way to the carnival and finally arriving at the carnival. Then the gang of teens finds there way into the the freak animals booth which includes a cow missing his upper lip and a two headed cow. I am pretty sure the cow missing his upper lip was real though it could have been faked. But the two headed cow looks like it is a special effect. The guys of course think it is awesome and the girls are freaked out. They then find themselves in a tent that has a crazy looking alien baby in a tube and that of course freaks the girls out and the guys are having their fun with it. This is where the plot continuation starts. Slowly.
So now that you think something is actually about to happen it slows down. And this is where it gets very weird. There is a burlesque tent in the carvinal. In all my years of carnivaling I have never seen a tent that said "Girls, Girls, Girls" on it. And I learned to read rather quickly. So of course the guys try to find away into the tent so they could see the girls girls girls. So they cut a whole and it just some girls dancing around with the tassels on their boobs. You can take a break on this one Censor Oscar.
Now if that was not weird enough here is where the film catches up with Joey. We see that Joey has found his sister and her friends and is watching them from afar. Almost stalking them. These shots of him continue every few minutes until the teens go into The Funhouse ride and do not come back out. Well this is where the teens get the brilliant idea of spending the night in the funhouse. Obviously these are brilliant kids. So they go to the funhouse ride and sneak off and wait for the carnival to close. The make their way to some kind of landing and make out and getting all touchy feely with each other. Then they are disturbed by the sound of movement and voices as two people enter beneath them. A woman and what we presume to be a guy. the woman is the fortune teller who is whoring herself out to a masked worker we have seen previously in the movie working some of the rides. Well he obviously wants to get some and the fortune teller keeps raising her price. He only talks in grunts and she talks to him as if he is challenged so she is obviously of high character. Well they start their business and he finishes rather quickly. So quick that he is upset that it is over practically before it began and all she can say is something along the lines of "No Refunds". He freaks out and strangles her to death and leaves the room. The teens having just witnessed a murder know they need to get out of here and quickly.
So what is Joey up to you ask?
Waiting of course, it is all he basically does in this movie after being a creepy perv to his sister at the beginning.
Well while talking about what they need to do the masked man comes back with another guy who is bossing him around and it turns out it is his father. He is pissed that he killed the fortune teller and not a local. Because killing a local would have made it A-OK. The dad finds out that the son was going to pay $100 to bang the whore fortune teller and flips out telling his son that he could have gotten him two of the dancing girls for $15. This is the time he picks to give his son the value of a dollar speech. Well he berades and hits his kid and rips his mask off revealing a kind of grotesque monstrosity of a human. It looks almost like an alien and then you realize it looks like a grown up alien of the baby alien in the jar. This is the point where the teens make a noise. Good job. Now the dad is on to you. The dad and son leave trying to figure out how to get to whoever made the noise.
What is Joey up too?
Well it looks like Joey was found by "The Monster". But it's okay he gets away and finds the carnival management. And they proceed to call his parents and a few scenes later they appear and take Joey home. And that is the last we see of Joey. Why make such a big deal. You would think because the movie keeps shifting back to him that he would play a bigger part in the end but no. That is it. I do not know if some footage got cut but yeah, big case of what was all that about.
Finally after a good hour into the movie it starts to get interesting and then out of nowhere the first victim is taken as Richie is caught in a noose by his throat and is pulled up out of nowhere. Minutes later Liz falls through a trap door. Eventually they are in a tunnel of love type of ride a see a cart coming near them and of course Buzz swings his ax without looking and boom hits a dead Rick right in the head.
Liz is finally killed once "The Monster" follows her into a shaft and decides he wants to see if her head will stop a rapidly moving fan blade. It didn't. "The Monster's" dad shows up with a gun and gets in a fight with Buzz and after a little struggle Buzz is able to push him back onto a perfectly placed blade being held by a shiny knight statue. What are the odds? "The Monster" shows up and is rightfully upset and chases Buzz into a ride and after a few seconds of silence the ride starts up and here comes Buzz's corpse being held by a clown as part of the ride. So that only leaves Amy and "The Monster". This might be the creepiest part of the movie as she runs and hides and he follows and she loses him and of course as a horror movie watcher you know he is going to pop up any second and get her. Well he does just that and of course she kills him by electrocuting him and sticking his body on a conveyor belt hook as he is caught between two huge gears and finally dies.
Amy lives! You knew it was going to be her so no surprises there. And as she leaves it is now morning and we see one last creepy shot of the funhouse.
And so ends a movie I waited at least 9 years to see. In the end I was disappointed. But would I watch it again? Absolutely. I would only recommend it to those who like cheesy horror movies from the 70's and 80's. But it was enjoyable despite all of its flaws.
I am thinking I am going to do my reviews based on 5 stars including half's. So I think this movie deserve 2 ½ stars. With the extra ½ coming in because like I said I see myself watching this one again. I know your not supposed to tell everything that happens in a review so I will try do do better with that next time. But I got carried away.
Pros: Creepy premise, Decent acting for 70's/80's Horror, Great tit shot, Good feeling of nostalgia of how even the bad horror movies of the past are better then the crap they make today.
Cons: Bad special effect, Seemingly cut off story lines, Horribly paced, and the fact the creepy clown on the dvd box was nowhere in the movie.
Rating: 2½ Stars
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